My Present Status: Summer 2025

*Entry Started on June 24, 2025

Location Undisclosed: Berkley Neighborhood, Denver, CO 80211. The New CampMelMac946: A Higher Power Production

Good morning, people…

It has been a while since I’ve written in this Blog. For this particular entry, it will be more personal. Obviously, it can’t be too revealing because of the topic at hand. However, given the limited exposure this blog has due to my own technical ineptness-there will only be a few who may come across it anyway. And by no means am I feeling bad. For I am truly blessed. The upshot of this entry is I do not want to botch this life God has generously given me. Having to start from square one scares me. It would be too painful to travel that route again.

Summers 2024&2025 have been quite the yearly span. Because of my long-term sobriety [at that time], in June 2024, I had the privilege taking care of Amsterdam G’s beautifully architecturally designed home in Boulder, Colorado. More importantly, I also was able to watch over Annie and Toas, two of the best dogs I’ve had the privilege of knowing. Most importantly, I would be able to stand watch over some of my prepping items at ‘Fort Amsterdam G.’

Suddenly, once again, I was ‘living high off the hog.’ I wouldn’t have pay rent or other utilities for two months. On top of my USPS salary, earning an extra $280.00 dollars each week provided me breathing room. This was something I hadn’t experienced since MelMac 946 left us a substantial amount of money after her death in 2016. Throughout this house-sitting gig, I felt-once again-as though I had ‘arrived financially.’ Because of my sudden limited expenses, I was able to save about 3K in two months time.

My plan was to use this little nest egg to find my own place. I would have a security deposit, first month’s rent and bills that would assist me in this endeavor. ‘Easy peasy,’ I thought to myself. Or as those Boulderites love to say, ‘No worries’ (God Bless those Boulderites living in their Boulder Bubble).

However, because of my limited knowledge with skyrocketing costs and the widespread erupting greed in the Real Estate Market, I was naive. Two to three weeks before Amsterdam G & his family safely arrived back from France, I started looking for a place. As it turned out, this is something I should have done allot sooner. Sweet Jesus, was it ever.

When they got home, I was without a place to live. Amsterdam G’s wife kindly sent me links to various apartment resources and ads. Not only did I feel like I was overstaying my welcome, but my anxiety increased tenfold because of this well-justified pressure. I knew for certain I had to find a place much sooner rather than later. My circumstances, through my own making, caused me mild depression too.

In August 2024, I moved in with Boo (he offered me this option a month earlier) and his wife in Aurora. He was kind enough to rent me a room with my own private bathroom. We agreed to a monthly rent of $800 dollars. Because of Boo’s kindness, I now had more time to find my own place. Boo also had financial motivations which made perfect sense. Because of his willingness to let move in, I could hold onto my savings until I found my own place.

At first I loved it. Although two months later, sometime in October, I entered a realm of certain ‘outside issues’ I had no business being in. Suddenly, because of these personal choices, my little nest egg was being depleted. Even more troublesome, I took out a loan from my USPS Thrift Savings Plan (TSP). On the Friday, November 29, 2024-the day after Thanksgiving-I picked up Marijuana after being abstinent for 3+years. This lead to a breakdown in my own recovery and functioning. I started taking FMLA and calling out sick regularly during that month and a half span.

-It is best, and respectful towards Boo’s own Privacy, that the rest events of those ten months, are left unsaid. Especially in this public forum. Moreover, I am certainly in no position to judge other people’s ‘character defects’ when I have plenty of my own to redress. So-thank you, Boo for allowing me to rest my head in your home for ten months.

Picking up this journey again in April-May 2025, locating my own studio apartment seemed even more daunting. Finding affordable real estate to buy or rent from a market lined with overinflated prices and greed feels unattainable. Not to mention the ad ons raising costs even more. Holding and parking fees, background checks, utilities such as gas and electricity, trash, water, internet-all billed separately didn’t agree with me. How does the average American make the expenses of living work?

Shame on You, Real Estate agencies like Cornerstone and ReMax. I’d welcome to see a 30% decline in your income and property asset worth. A complete reset of what most of you, certainly not all, have been doing. Haven’t you made enough printed money (side note: research the history of fiat-based currencies in relation to the US Dollar) in the last 5-7 years? For now though-until the jig is up-keep chasing that paper money taking advantage of those of us wanting to find stable, affordable housing.

How did we get to a place where the average price for a single family home of $435,000? A half of million dollars to own your own place. How are most people affording this aspect to living is beyond me. The American Dream run amok (see The Great American Revival entry).

This 450 square foot Garden Level Studio apartment is a Godsend. The written prayer by Rebecca B proved effective. However, she would want me to show instant appreciation towards Jesus: So-whomever you truly are, Jesus-Thank you. And Rebecca B sure as shit would be yelling at me for my actions these last 5 weeks (June 7-July 15, 2025).

Locating this place, in the Heart of the Berkley District of Denver, the Neighborhood couldn’t have worked out better. Rocky Mountain Lake Park 3 is blocks up the street. Safeway literally across the street. Other places close in proximity to Camp MelMac 946. Lots of Serenity and Space to breathe.

While at the same time though, I am Full of Fear. Failure. Rejection. Not measuring up. Not being able to take care of myself. Unemployment. Not being able to pay for my own way in life. Relapse. Consequences. Surrendering my life to other people and institutional control. Telling me how to live my life, what to do, keeping tract of my progress. Dismissing all the previous sobriety that has been an instrumental part of my life and treating me as a newcomer who just walked into the rooms of AA for the first time. No thank you-I’ll surrender to my Higher Powers above.

June 4-6, 2025

I began settling into my place. For $50, I bought a smaller than small sized futon like mattress at Costco. At that particular store, I couldn’t find any air mattresses. For my first two nights, in an empty studio apartment besides my plastic bins, I slept both happily and peacefully. Feeling grateful for this new chapter. A chance to be on my own. Two days later, I bought a beautiful self inflated Queen Sized Air Mattress from Target. I love it.

June 6, 2025: The next evening-the ever lovely, Tricky Vixen, DGS texted me. We started our with our usual banter. At some point, DGS asked, “Want Some Shroomies?” Perfect, I thought. I would love to spend tomorrow afternoon ‘micro-dosing’ and organizing my new apartment. The Alcoholic/Addict in me loves the sound of that. Most probably will. A new tool for a new adventure. Mushrooms, Micro-dosing. I mean I haven’t done psychedelics in over 30 years. What could go wrong, I thought to myself.

The conversation continued. “Ah, Like When Can I Get them, DGS? In an hour?! Where can I meet you? And how much can I buy?” That’s how my disease works. Sometimes we forget. Especially behaviors that could harm our own recovery. Lord knows, often times, I’ve tried the path of being ‘California (and Colorado) Sober.’ The whole ‘As Long as I don’t Drink-I am OK’ mentality that permeates in these two states. Who wouldn’t want this kind of recovery.?!

July 10, 2025: A Few Short Weeks Later…

I might as well cut to the chase. I have been smoking marijuana these last 14 days-along with the sporadic use of mushrooms since June 7th. I am not in a space I would like to be in. Nor should I be in. Thus far, because of my using, my own personal space that is supposed to serve as a sanctuary, I feel alone and scared. I went to two AA meetings in the month of June. I have yet to go to one this month. Maybe three weeks since last meeting?

The last 30 days turned out to be a bad month in decision making. I utilized all of my FMLA for June & July calling out the maximum number of sick days allowable and then some. The unforgettable two day food poisoning (CornDogs from Admin?) episode while in the middle of an abrupt 14 day Paxil tapering off plan. I wanted to temporarily go off Paxil to feel the full effect of Mushrooms (SSRI’S Block the effect of a full mushroom experience). Although my plan backfired by a sudden onslaught of depression & Anxiety. My USPS attendance for June was horrendous. Same with half of July. This is not good. Not at all.

I have been smoking cigarettes too. I had idea there was a No Smoking ban here. A group tenant email about the reminder of a non smoking ban was sent in just a few days of smoking. In the email, terminating the lease was mentioned. Scared me. I am fearful of eviction. Smoking Bud in the bathroom and Cigarettes outside on my stoop.

When ‘Joey’ was outside with his two dogs, I asked him if he didn’t mind me smoking outside on the stoop. Joey lives on the other side of me in another garden level studio apartment. He might have smelled marijuana coming from my bathroom since I was utilizing the exhaust fan to lessen the smell. One of my windows, right near his entrance, was open. So the upshot of all of this is when the email was generated, I bear full responsibility. It could have been Joey that said something to our landlord. Or it could have been a fellow female tenant living upstairs who also saw me smoking on the stoop. It is possible she was the one who complained.

I responded to the email by fully admitting to our landlord it was me smoking on tenant property. Whoever turned me in had every right to do so. Even if I wasn’t aware of a smoking ban, it doesn’t excuse my own negligence. Especially towards those who have lived here far longer than me. Because of the No-Smoking ban here, I’ve had to find near me other places to smoke. I’ve taken refuge in The Rocky Mountain Lake Park and other neighboring places. I’ve also stumbled upon an alleyway that has a little yard brush providing a little secluded cover as well. No one has seen me or at least I think they haven’t. The insanity of using and the places our disease take us is nightmarish.

As I am writing this, I am asking God to help me end this. For I don’t want to lose the miracles that have been placed in front of me. During the last three days (Sunday-Monday-Tuesday) I’ve attempted to put down marijuana and cigarettes only to pick up after a few hours when mild withdrawal/anxiety/fear sets in. I have to break this pattern. With Marijuana, it usually takes 72 hours to 1 week not smoking to begin the process of being ‘restored back to sanity.’

Tuesday, July 15, 2025

With God’s help-you can repair this. I am at a crossroads. You are worth it, JT Glover. Just for today-Don’t get high. 7:00 AM York Street Meeting tomorrow morning. And for Christ Sakes, JTG-No Micro-dosing either. God Damn, D.G.S.

Wednesday, July 16, 2025

‘But for the Grace of God,’ I made it to the York Street meeting. Though I had the usual coming back mentality and other common mental noise about AA, I knew I had to be there For when I usually do this, things for the rest of the day pan out OK. I briefly shared at the end of the meeting. I certainly needed to do this. I’ll go back tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 22, 2025

Hey there, Blog. Early morning, greetings. Later today, around 3:30-4:00 PM, it will be 7 days without smoking marijuana. Thankfully, my cravings are less than previous bouts of detoxing. I think this has to do with not vaping high THC concentrates. During this run, I bought a one gram vape pen (THC 80% +) which I ended up throwing away shortly thereafter. When detoxing from marijuana in the not to distant past, my symptoms included waves of cravings, nausea and dry heaving. However, I am still obsessing about micro-dosing or a regular amount (2-3 grams) to induce a like trip experience.

Time and Duration of [Marijuana] Relapses: Summer 2021 2 months (marijuana and alcohol); November 2021-January 2022 (2 months); November 2024-January 2025 (2 months); June 2025-July 15, 2025 (3 weeks)